Anais Nin once said, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

Comfort zone… a dangerous place that threatens to pacify and placate you into a soothing tranquility that slowly and discreetly renders one immobile. The peace it comes with stealthily robs you of the sprightly fire beneath your feet as you ease into its warm mold, appeased. Comfort zone is that place beneath our sheets: warm and comforting as it enfolds us between blankets, protectively shielding from the untried unknown outside as it cuddles and lulls us into a sleepy pacification. It keeps us warm, content, and satisfied without realizing the full extent of our boundaries within the world. And that’s the danger isn’t it? To become so idle that we find satisfaction sitting here, feet complacently dipped in lukewarm lakes, undriven to push our limits and see how far we can travel beyond our usual levels.

To live beyond merely existing, I learned early on to nearly always strive to explore uncomfortable territories, within reason. Besides, “Awkward is only as Awkward makes it.” I don’t want to complacently lie stifled between cozy shrouds with my head in the clouds. Instead, I wish to catch a whirlwind in my bowlines and travel the borders of my limits. I want to paddle and soar through tumultuous white rapids; to confidently raft through raging rivers that lead into a beautifully uncomfortable unknown. The goal is to live beyond mere existence: to leave no stone unturned and no opportunity untried as you teeter on the cliff of contentment: to explore every sector and crevice of the mind, spirit, and world, collecting experiences, wisdoms, and confidants like Pokémons. I aspire to be inspired to ignite the embers of my soul into a sprightly fire whose flames will someday chisel my life into one fulfilling, globetrotting adventure that hopefully feeds the wanderlust and ponders my own final resting place. I hope to catch a zest like fire as it burns through me.

Thus, I miss you, but from where we currently stand, our paths must diverge until the next crossroad, because we are each others’ comfort zones: dangerously comfortable like the teddy taken for granted by a child’s side. We fit together like puzzle pieces, bodies and thoughts intertwined with hands that perfectly ease in yours like cotton gloves. With you, I realized that every love excites a different taste; no two loves are ever the same. A was a stifling hot humidity, B was so cool that he teetered on cold ice, and C was the perfect warmth, heated like a fireplace with flames sporadically licking beyond its cradle, holding me freely captivated. Like a fireplace, I was held by your warmth and wanted to stay forever curled up before the heat where we were both comfortably situated. And that’s the problem. The excessive comfort built us a fort we were too young to afford when there’s still a whole world to explore. The com(fort) was grand and ideal, but the cradled flames left me unchallenged as I lulled in your arms. The sporadic licks warmed my soul and lit the darkness, but had yet to wholly engulf our spirits in sprightly fire. Right now, I stand at the crossroad before adulthood, needing a catalyst, not comfort. It’s ride or die and I need to prioritize finding a fiery ignition to light the fire under my ass and propel this ship off harbors.

So looking back, I guess you were right; the smoke we indeliberately caused would only haze my route in a time that is so crucial and impressionable, and you were inept to serve as co-captain while still trying to save yourself. You love/d me without reason, but reasonably, we should part ways until the next stage. Eventually, when this storm has passed and we truly find ourselves, I hope Fate leads to a love that befits like ours. Maybe, just maybe, when all the tumult and overcast recedes, our paths will again converge at a crossroad and precede to oscillate into matured permanence.

C is my type of love, where I want to be in the end after all is said and done: curled up at your side before sparked flames, eternally warmed internally as we cuddle in contentment at the convergence of two estranged adventures, freely weaving in and out like fireflies whilst forever catalyzing minds and souls to such great heights.

& maybe that’s why some fall for the “jerks” : we subconsciously chase fire, seeking to be uncomfortably challenged to greater heights, although “come down now” our friends say. But everything looks perfect from far away. “Come down now,” but we’ll stay. Fire only hurts when you’re burned at play. Other times, it is catalyst into enthrallingly uncomfortable territories that wander you astray in order to find the Way.